Latest meanderings, when I think to share them.

Now : Looking for a job, working on getting out of my appartment more, trying to add to this site more often.

22/01/2025, 22:32

I have been having another worm drilling in my brain recently, another story to tell, since reading the Vampire: the Masquerade and Wereworlf: the Apocalypse rulebooks. I have decided to full-hand yank it out, so I will be focusing on that for the foreseeable future.

As part of this process, I have actually gone out to the local forest to do some research. If a pack of Garou were to band together around my town, where would they go ? What would they do ? Where could they find a Caern ? I've been looking to answer those questions and more, and by that process to learn a bit more about where I live, get a better feel of the shape of my town.

It also felt great to go out in the "wilderness" again (Not really such thing around here, the local forest has, let's say, great "amenities"). I had not gone on a full-day hike in months before that, so I was pretty proud to see that I can still keep a decent pace. Great workout, decent whiff of nature, will be doing this regularly.

11/01/2025, 14:40

Good afternoon bog, I'm back. Let's see if I can last this time.

I realize this is kind of a "New year New me" situation, but it's completly accidental. I just got out of my box for the winter vacations, talked to a bunch of people and so now I'm feeling motivated to do stuff again ! I will try to keep the barrel rolling, but we will see.

26/10/2024, 01:27

Four days ago I went to a local meet of fellow lesbians, sapphic women and girlthings, and I met a bunch of lovely people who made me feel immediate kinship. This is a pretty uncommon feeling for me as I rarely get out and meet new people. I barely made any community yet as I just arrived in this city, and this felt like a big step in that endeavour. I had a great time, I felt connection, understanding. Trying to keep hold of those feelings, I quickly planned a follow up evening a week later with some of the others. I usually do this, always trying to build more lasting bonds, often unsuccessfully.

The point is, when I was walking back to my appartment, I felt as if I had an epiphany. I thought : fleeting moments of connection or intimacy are not inherently less valuable. They're not fakes, or illusion. They really happened : for a while, we comforted each other, able to understand each other's worry. We filled recovered our morale, and steeled ourselves to go back out into a draining routine. Or I thought, very proud of myself, of my philosophical chops and emotional maturity or something.

Tonight I'm having one of those nights. I feel lonely, kinda melancholic, and the memory of that evening is not particularly helping. So here I am posting for the first time on that blog, trying to share those emotions somewhere, anywhere, screaming into the void. The self-consciousness is saying "Oh, how self-centered, how annoying you must be to overshare what you feel at strangers that probably don't even exist, I mean, who is looking at this blog ?". Ha. Anyway, I still think what I said above is somewhat true. I did have a good time, and it meant something then. I think that matters. It seems meaningless now only because I am in the mood of switching off my brain and falling asleep clinging to someone elses warmth. But that's not happening. Oh well.

You know, I do feel better now having metaphorically vomited all that messy text on the screen, sooo... Win ? I might do this again. Unfortunatly for the world.